I HAVE NO WORDS.

Well, that's an all out lie, but still.



As I was saying, the subject line is a lie. I most certainly do have words, but after reading this fantastic review this morning, I'm mincing mine. Side note? I love any article that uses the word "fussy." It's one of my favorites.

It's not like anyone who doesn't live under a rock didn't know this was coming, given that CBS spoiled it in the episode's promo, but hoo boy was it even better than I anticipated. It was gorgeously shot, the elevator doors didn't look hokey like they did in the promo, and I actually didn't hate the song. I don't know if it was the particular section of the Mika song that they used in the promo, but it became a running thing for me to scream "I HATE THAT SONG" whenever it came on. After hearing practically the whole song last night, I can't get it out of my head today. Chalk it up to "comprehensiveness."

I think that Alan Sepinwall (one of my favorite critics!) is correct in his awesomely-titled review when he says this whole affair (bah dum CHING!) will make things "messier" for Alicia next year. Bring it on. I love messiness and irrationality on television. I don't know about you, but I find myself being completely irrational or stupid on a somewhat regular basis. A logical 32-year-old woman with a college degree wouldn't pay a bill out of the wrong bank account, right? Right?! Irrationality, stupidity, bad decision-ness... It doesn't change the nature of a character -- it just makes said character more realistic.

One of my favorite television scenes of all time is from the third season premiere of Alias. A rational Sydney Bristow would have said, "Hey, I've been presumed dead for two years. Of course my boyfriend would have moved on and married someone." But a realistic Sydney Bristow is saying, "Hey. I've just lost two years of my life and my dad is in jail and my best friend was killed and cloned and my man hooked up with some new chippy, like, six months after I disappeared and you know what? I AM PISSED. And while I really just want to go all Rambaldi on your ass, I'm just going to tear you a new one with my words of fi-yah."

So yes. Back to Alicia. A rational Alicia would have said, "You know what? I've had a good day and, yes, I have feelings for this admittedly attractive guy that I work with and had whatever-we-had-at-Georgetown with, but the smart thing to do would be to call a cab and start divorce proceedings and then pursue something later." But no. Realistic Alicia was all, "Oooo. Tequila is awesome and spicy and this is a hot, hot man and my shipper brother is home with the kids and will totes cover for me and I am so, so tired of dealing with my soon-to-be-ex-mother-in-law, my treasonous-best-friend-don't-you-dare-try-to-defend-her, and my manwhore of a soon-to-be-ex-husband and Will just dropped nearly $8,000 and oh just shut up, Alicia, and cue. the. flippin'. Aerosmith." And for that, she deserves a slow clap with Explosions in the Sky music in the background. Clear minds, full shot glasses, can't lose.

But this is indeed going to get messy when it gets out and you know it will. Whether it's from lobby or elevator cameras or Mr. Smiley-Faced-Oatmeal-Piano-Man, it will get out. Some thoughts: Grace, who seems to have issue with her mother even drinking wine, is going to have something to say about adultery. Jackie is going to keep wearing her headbands and go all, well, Jackie on her and probably call her a hussy. Peter's gonna be a stoic d-bag about it and do something devious. Cary's going to channel his inner Randy Travis and be all, "I TOLD YOU SO, BITCHES." And David Lee. Her divorce lawyer. From Lockhart Gardner. I know he says his office is a monastery, but what happens when he finds out she's sleeping with their boss? Mmmhmm. Only Owen's going to be jumping up and down like Kelly Kapoor in Victoria's Secret. And, well, Will's probably doing the Dr.-Benton-victory-air-punch thing.

It's going to be so messy. Everyone's going to be so deliciously judgy until Alicia punches them all in the throat. And it's going to be awesome.

Is it fall yet?

P.S. I'd like to thank my fabulous roommates for getting me to watch this show. It's one of my new favorites. Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.

P.P.S. Never believe me when I say I'm going to mince my words.