I HAVE NO WORDS.

Well, that's an all out lie, but still.



As I was saying, the subject line is a lie. I most certainly do have words, but after reading this fantastic review this morning, I'm mincing mine. Side note? I love any article that uses the word "fussy." It's one of my favorites.

It's not like anyone who doesn't live under a rock didn't know this was coming, given that CBS spoiled it in the episode's promo, but hoo boy was it even better than I anticipated. It was gorgeously shot, the elevator doors didn't look hokey like they did in the promo, and I actually didn't hate the song. I don't know if it was the particular section of the Mika song that they used in the promo, but it became a running thing for me to scream "I HATE THAT SONG" whenever it came on. After hearing practically the whole song last night, I can't get it out of my head today. Chalk it up to "comprehensiveness."

I think that Alan Sepinwall (one of my favorite critics!) is correct in his awesomely-titled review when he says this whole affair (bah dum CHING!) will make things "messier" for Alicia next year. Bring it on. I love messiness and irrationality on television. I don't know about you, but I find myself being completely irrational or stupid on a somewhat regular basis. A logical 32-year-old woman with a college degree wouldn't pay a bill out of the wrong bank account, right? Right?! Irrationality, stupidity, bad decision-ness... It doesn't change the nature of a character -- it just makes said character more realistic.

One of my favorite television scenes of all time is from the third season premiere of Alias. A rational Sydney Bristow would have said, "Hey, I've been presumed dead for two years. Of course my boyfriend would have moved on and married someone." But a realistic Sydney Bristow is saying, "Hey. I've just lost two years of my life and my dad is in jail and my best friend was killed and cloned and my man hooked up with some new chippy, like, six months after I disappeared and you know what? I AM PISSED. And while I really just want to go all Rambaldi on your ass, I'm just going to tear you a new one with my words of fi-yah."

So yes. Back to Alicia. A rational Alicia would have said, "You know what? I've had a good day and, yes, I have feelings for this admittedly attractive guy that I work with and had whatever-we-had-at-Georgetown with, but the smart thing to do would be to call a cab and start divorce proceedings and then pursue something later." But no. Realistic Alicia was all, "Oooo. Tequila is awesome and spicy and this is a hot, hot man and my shipper brother is home with the kids and will totes cover for me and I am so, so tired of dealing with my soon-to-be-ex-mother-in-law, my treasonous-best-friend-don't-you-dare-try-to-defend-her, and my manwhore of a soon-to-be-ex-husband and Will just dropped nearly $8,000 and oh just shut up, Alicia, and cue. the. flippin'. Aerosmith." And for that, she deserves a slow clap with Explosions in the Sky music in the background. Clear minds, full shot glasses, can't lose.

But this is indeed going to get messy when it gets out and you know it will. Whether it's from lobby or elevator cameras or Mr. Smiley-Faced-Oatmeal-Piano-Man, it will get out. Some thoughts: Grace, who seems to have issue with her mother even drinking wine, is going to have something to say about adultery. Jackie is going to keep wearing her headbands and go all, well, Jackie on her and probably call her a hussy. Peter's gonna be a stoic d-bag about it and do something devious. Cary's going to channel his inner Randy Travis and be all, "I TOLD YOU SO, BITCHES." And David Lee. Her divorce lawyer. From Lockhart Gardner. I know he says his office is a monastery, but what happens when he finds out she's sleeping with their boss? Mmmhmm. Only Owen's going to be jumping up and down like Kelly Kapoor in Victoria's Secret. And, well, Will's probably doing the Dr.-Benton-victory-air-punch thing.

It's going to be so messy. Everyone's going to be so deliciously judgy until Alicia punches them all in the throat. And it's going to be awesome.

Is it fall yet?

P.S. I'd like to thank my fabulous roommates for getting me to watch this show. It's one of my new favorites. Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.

P.P.S. Never believe me when I say I'm going to mince my words.

Add this to the list of things I will NEVER do...

I will never date -- much less marry -- a man who has attached "genitals" to his automobile.

That is all. Carry on.

The world can be yours if you let your heart believe in ever after...

I still believe in happily ever after.

Maybe that’s naïve of me, but I do. For the past two weeks, it feels like I’ve been bombarded with messages about how prevalent divorce is in this country. Even at church, where the (awesome) sermon was about having a Biblical marriage, the stats were there. One in three American marriages ends in divorce. One documentary/news program that was on in the locker room at my gym last night went on about how couples should prepare for divorce before marriage -- both emotionally and financially -- to save themselves the extra heartache when it all inevitably goes down the commode. Yesterday, I came across an article from Redbook about the Ashley Madison web site. Let’s just say that I only thought the television commercials grossed me out (“Life is short. Have an affair.”). The article absolutely disgusted me, as did this book, which talks about how monogamy is unrealistic. (I’m gonna be a fussy old Southern lady and say that the girl in that book is a hussy.)

It’s been two weeks of marital doom and gloom and I’ve had enough. ENOUGH. I don’t know why I’m so sensitive about it -- I’m not even dating anyone and am, therefore, nowhere near marriage. Regardless, I’d like to buy out a bunch of billboards across the country and, big as Dallas, post a Bill Pullman line from Sleepless in Seattle: “Marriage is hard enough without bringing such low expectations into it.” (Then again, I’d probably get sued by Tri-Star, but whatever.)

ANYWAY.

I know that marriage isn’t a fairy tale. One doesn’t get to put on her best Pnina Tornai*, exchange rings, and do a not-as-surprising-as-you’d-like-thanks-to-the-YouTubes rendition of “Thriller” with her wedding party and then just ride off into the sunset. There’s conflict. And there are ups and there are downs. The preacher man (or lady) even gives a bit of a spoiler in the “for better or for worse” department. I believe that even the worst of the “for worses” can be managed. Is said management fun and games? No. Is there going to be pain and hurt involved? Of course. But just like the best friendships, things come out stronger on the other side -- at least that’s been my experience.

Before anyone can accuse me of living my life in a bubble or point out my naïvete, I have to have my little booya moment: My parents divorced when I was seven years old and it, to use a word that I wasn’t even allowed to use in junior high, sucked. Big time. In fact, I’m still feeling the effects at age 31.

But despite all of this, yes, I still believe in happily ever after. I still believe that people can get married and stay that way. Both my parents remarried and have remained that way for over twenty years, which is longer than both their first marriages. For what it’s worth, negative effects or no, I don’t even want to imagine my life without my stepdad and stepmom in it. Past experience has proven that things can always happen, but I truly believe that my family is fully and completely intact. Forever.

I want the same thing for my own marriage someday. I will have the same thing for my own marriage someday. Why? Because I’m a believer going in. And you’re not going to convince me otherwise, so don’t even try. The same thing goes with Santa Claus.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and look at fabric for the Giselle Halloween costume I’ve been planning for four years.

What?

This is what single girls do with their time.

I think. Er, believe.

* I, Amanda Mason, do solemnly swear that I will never wear a Pnina Tornai. Not in a million, zillion years.

Friends

In the process of pulling my 12 of 12 photos off of my camera, I came across a batch that I took at a Frank Lloyd Wright house up in the hills of Los Feliz. I love this one.

It's been one week...

Well, technically, but still.

As I mentioned in my last post, I gave soda up for Lent this year. The idea was to give up something you depended on and I could think of nothing I depended on more than my morning Diet Coke. Given that I had pretty much given up on Diet Coke -- which I had started calling Diet Stroke after my mother staged a one-woman intervention at El Cholo -- I decided that giving it up for Lent would technically be cheating. So, I gave up all soda.

My last soda was on Monday, March 7. Technically. I have to admit that I ordered an Ocean Water at Sonic on Sunday, not remembering that it had Sprite in it. I did, however, stop drinking it as soon as I realized.

But yes. It's been one week and it's actually been a lot easier than I thought it would be. I feel a lot better and I haven't even craved soda. AT ALL. In fact, the thought of soda makes me go bleeeeeeechhhh.

YAY.

12 of 12: March 2011

Wow. It's been a long time since I've blogged, much less since I did 12 of 12. I've actually done it the past couple of months, but never have gotten around to uploading the pictures. Maybe I'll do that in the next little bit. Or maybe not. We'll see.

I very nearly didn't do 12 of 12 this month. Given what had just happened a day before, it just felt a little wrong to be taking pictures of my trip to Starbucks. But I realized that the whole point of 12 of 12 is to recognize the little moments (and blessings) of the day. I'm thankful that I was able to wake up on Saturday morning under a down comforter or to stop at Starbucks on my way through Hollywood. And I do so recognizing that there are tens of thousands of people who aren't as lucky.

9:25 a.m. - Happy Saturday.

I expected to wake up to bright sunshine, but it was actually a bit on the cloudy side. On a side note, I've recently discovered the wonders of the sleep mask (seen on my bed). Love, love, love. When I was a child, my Poppy would always give my siblings and me his toiletry kits from his frequent airline travels. It usually included one of the masks, but as a little kid, being completely in the dark was scary stuff! I usually preferred the big travel bags to use for my Barbies.


10:36 a.m. - Starbucks Fix.

For the first time in my life, I gave up something for Lent. It wasn't like I abstained in years past, but it wasn't something that was generally done in the Baptist church. I've been going to a different denomination of church, though, and it was encouraged. I even went to my first Ash Wednesday service, which I found to be an incredibly moving experience. This year, I gave up soda for Lent, so I've rekindled my love for tea. Maleficent showed me the wonders of the tea latte and I'm now kind of addicted, which is why I found myself at Starbucks at 10:36 a.m. on a Saturday morning...


10:49 a.m. - Doughboys!

I can't tell you how bummed I was when Doughboys closed up shop a few years ago. They had one of the best red velvet cakes -- if not the best -- in town, not to mention one of my favorite guilty pleasures: the PBC&B sandwich. Lest you think I'm a glutton, I was able to turn that into three meals. Three delightfully, yummy, wonderful meals... I decided to pick up the sandwich (my first in years!) on the way to my office.


12:56 p.m. - And here's the pitch...

I participated in an online pitch fest on Saturday on behalf of my company. I enjoy these things, but they're especially fun when they're online. Technology amazes me. I decided to drive to Century City and do this one from my office. It's got to be more impressive than seeing the wall in my living room, right?


2:50 - Dirty Jobs: Not just a show on the Discovery Channel.

Since I was already in the office, I decided to go ahead and tackle the department's mini-fridge, which is housed in my boss' office. It was pretty gross and smelly (as everyone always said when retrieving a soda), but it was good to have it done.


4:43 p.m. - Nap Time.

When I think of all the time as a child that I whined about having to take a nap, I marvel at my childish stupidity. Naps are one of the coolest things of all time. OF ALL TIME.


7:15 p.m. - The Birthday Girl.

Saturday was Jan and Jess' birthdays, so Maleficent and I popped over to Bar Celona in Pasadena for some tapas and drinks to celebrate. Jan is seriously one of my favorite people and I'm so thankful that I know her.


8:11 p.m. - Remains of the (Birth)day.

The tapas were eaten, the white sangria drank and now it was time to order dessert. If you ever plan on visiting Bar Celona, I do recommend the churros and chocolate. Cinammon-sugary goodness!


9:21 p.m. - I love JUICE!

Name the reference... After the birthday dinner, we made a late-ish night trip to Fresh & Easy in Eagle Rock. Gotta love the The Fresh and the Easy, my favorite east-side soap opera.


10:13 p.m. - I made this!

That has nothing to do with this picture. Sorry. Just a habit borne of many years of being an avid viewer of The X-Files... Anyway... I had to read a book for work, so I snuggled up into the glider rocking chair my Nana got me for my high school graduation. It's still one of my favorite items of furniture. In other news, I really need to put some stuff on my bedroom walls. Yikes!


11:06 p.m. - Ready for Magic.

Laying out my lanyard and my Mouse Ears for my trip to Disneyland with Maleficent and Liz B on Sunday. I am nearly 32 years old, but the idea of our yearly Two-fer/Sonic trip just turns me into an eight-year-old. Hence the first-day-of-school treatment.


11:36 p.m. - March Madness, Saturday Night Live style.

The last thing I did before putting the sleep mask on again and going to sleep was watch the opening to Saturday Night Live, as Twitter was abuzz with how great the monologue was. I guess I just don't get Zach Galifianakis -- the monologue was funny, yes, but I wasn't exactly falling out of bed laughing at it. I will, however, never look at Annie the same way again. Loved this March Madness skit, though. Fred Armisen as Gaddafi makes me laugh.

Kiss my Glass (Slippers).

You know, I hope the first time Prince Charming mouthed off to Cinderella, she reminded him that she wore glass slippers. Until midnight. For him. Not only wore them, but stood around and even danced in them. She may have been cutting a rug, but one wrong step and she'd be cutting something else. And just look at the picture -- does it look like those things have any cushion whatsoever? I mean, they're pretty and all and she got Prince Charming out of the deal and she got to stick it to those horrible wenches she called her stepsisters, but good great googa mooga. Talk about a royal pain...