Some friends of mine have been participating in a journaling tool in which they write ten things they'd tell the 16-Year-Old version of themselves. I wasn't exactly motivated to participate, but a friend of mine from high school was in L.A. for a day this past week, and our visit got me to thinking. Some of the things are serious and some are funny, but without further adieu, I present "Conversations With a Sixteen-Year-Old Amanda"...
(For ease of reading, 28-year-old Amanda will be identified as 28, while 16-year-old Amanda will be identified as -- you guessed it -- 16.)
28: Hey Amanda, you know that guy from high school that you like? The one who gives you the tummy butterflies whenever he pays attention to you or rests his arm on the pew behind you in church?
16: Oh yeah, Jimmy*? He's so cute and nice and --
28: -- and you need to just forget about him. It's never going to happen.
16: Just because you're the version of me twelve years in the future doesn't mean anything!
28: ...
16: Nana says that one of these days all of the boys in high school who like the cheerleader girls are going to want the nice girls. I'm a nice girl.
28: Sweetie, please. Save yourself the heartbreak and embarassment. Don't buy him a birthday present.
16: But --
28: -- But nothing. Go home. Watch As the World Turns. Mike and Rosanna are SO CUTE. And make sure you label the tape properly so that you can find their whole Montana adventure later on in life when you need a pick-me-up.
16: Oooookay...
28: Oh, and one more thing... In about 8 years, you're going to meet this other guy in a book store. Ignore him. When Katy asks you to go and look at horse books, politely tell the guy goodbye before you fall for him.
16: I'm gonna meet a guy in a bookstore?
28: Yeah. And you're going to be walking on air for weeks until you realize that it's the same situation with Jimmy. You're "that girl." And that is not a fun thing to be. Okay?
16: 'Kay. So if you're here from the future, can you tell me if Ross and Rachel end up together?
28: All in good time, my love. All in good time.
28: Don't give Brian a ride home from that scrimmage.
16: What scrimmage?
28: The Lake View vs. Central one. Senior year.
16: LAKE VIEW AND CENTRAL ARE ACTUALLY GOING TO PLAY ONE ANOTHER?!?! Who wins??
28: It's a SCRIMMAGE, not a game. I don't remember who won -- I think it was a tie. But that's not the point... There's going to be this guy who in a fantastic display of chivalry will save you from being run over by a play. Later on that night, he's going to ask you for a ride home. Don't do it. Get in Marlena and head home to 24th Street.
16: A guy actually gets chivalrous about me?
28: Yes. And that's the only time. Trust me. Do not go home with him. You will save yourself a weekend of tears. You won't scare your mother to death. And there won't be any need for you to hide from him at school or screen your phone calls.
16: What happened?
28: Forgive me if I don't want to talk about it. But taking him home could potentially ruin your life. It will save you years of therapy and anxiety.
16: I don't get it.
28: You will. In time.
28: Tell everyone you love that you love them. One day very soon one of them will be gone and it will be one of your biggest regrets that you didn't tell them that enough.
16: Who dies?
28: I can't tell you that.
16: Why not? If you tell me, I'll tell that person all the time how much they mean to me. I promise.
28: I can't tell you. I'm sorry.
16: Can you tell me...when?
28: Um, I guess. Round about the start of your junior year of high school. That's all I can say.
16: ...
28: It'll be okay. I promise. Do me a favor...
16: What?
28: Give Big Kitty a kiss for me.
16: Okay.
28: I know church may seem boring and overly hellfire-and-brimstone at times, but pay attention. Soak it in.
16: But, the pastor is so negative lately. It's much more fun to flirt with --
28: -- Ahem. We've discussed this.
16: Alright, but did you know that I learned what 69 meant last week?
28: And this has to do with church how? Ooooooh --
16: Eric* taught me. On a bulletin.
28: I certainly hope you destroyed that bulletin.
16: It was his. I don't know what he did with it.
28: Oy.
28: Spend some time with Daisy dog. Promise me.
16: Well, I go out and feed her when it's my turn.
28: That doesn't exactly count.
16: I don't have the time.
28: Don't give me that crap. I was your age once. Actually, I was YOU once. Actually I still am you, but WHATEVER. How about taking some of that time you spend chatting about As the World Turns on AOL and spending some time with the dog you've had since you were six?!
16: Man, I turned into a b-word!
28: Just do it for goodness sakes... She loves you. Even though there've been times you haven't given her reason to.
16: I know...
28: One day very soon, those braces are going to come off.
16: HALLELUJIAH!!
28: And Doug L. is going to tell you you look pretty.
16: Really??
28: Yep.
16: I can't wait!
28: Just keep an eye on your retainer. When Mrs. Lowe passes out candy during the beginning of pre-cal class your junior year, don't be so brilliant as to wrap your retainer in the wrapper. You'll accidentally throw it away. And mama is going to be PISSED. (Yes, I said the word "pissed," wipe the shock off your face.) And she's going to make you dig through the trash can in pre-cal.
16: No taking out of the retainer. Good to know.
28: Go to prom. Even if you don't have a date.
16: But it's lame to go to prom without a date.
28: No it's not. Katy's going to go without a date.
16: Don't talk to me about her. She's such a freaking slob. Yesterday, she yelled at me for putting her stuff into "piles" in our room --
28: Hey, lay off. One of these days, she's going to be your best friend. But anyway, go to prom. Use that as an excuse to make Mom, Craig, Dad, and Nancy buy you a pretty dress. Use it as an excuse to let Shari do your makeup. Use it as an excuses to let Gayla do your hair all pretty. And for goodness sakes, use it as an excuse to get your first pedicure. Trust me when I tell you that they are HEAVENLY.
16: But what if I don't have a date?
28: You know what? Sometimes you are just a little too much of a follow-the-rules goodie-two-shoes.
16: Bite me. Or you. Or whatever.
28: Don't cry over the cancelation of 'My So-Called Life.'
16: I can't help it. It was such a good show. Jordan Catalano is so hot.
28: Jordan Catalano was a dick. What did I say about the shock face?? It's not like I've turned into a potty mouth, I just don't cringe when I cuss on occasion.
16: Oh he was not. Through it all, he loved Angela.
28: (laughing my butt off)
16: WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT??
28: Love. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
16: Apparently, I become a cynic, too. There is such a thing, you know. Mom and I think I'm going to live at home until I get married. I'm a nice girl and I don't think it'll be too long.
28: Yeah, whatever. That's a whole 'nother story that I don't really feel like getting into. But anyway, they're going to release My So-Called Life on DVD.
16: DVD?
28: Trust me, they are AWESOME. They're like this CD that you can watch movies on. They'll have the entire season of the show out. And besides, the people who created that show will eventually create another show that you are just going to love. You are going to relate to it and it will make you cry and miss, well, being you. And by you I mean the 16-year-old me.
16: What show is it?
28: Can't tell you. For, uh, copyright reasons? But, yeah, there's this popular book out about football...
16: "Friday Night Lights." It's about Permian. I hate MOJO.
28: Lalallalalalala...
28: Hug Mom and Craig and Dad and Nancy and EVERYONE. As much as possible.
16: I already do hug people a lot.
28: Do it even more. And don't get all butt-hurt when Craig calls you "Mama's Little Tit." He's just teasing you out of love.
16: Whatever.
28: At least do the hugging. There'll come a point where you're living a long way away from home and all you want is a hug and you can't get one without riding for three hours on a plane.
16: You mean I'm not going to live at home until I get married?? Or wait -- what if I'm married and we're living a long way away?! I bet it's New York. I AM SO MOVING TO NEW YORK!! --
28: We're not discussing this. And no I'm not going to tell you where you're going to live. You have to figure that out yourself. Just love your parents and your family. Every chance you get. Do you have a kleenex? I think I need a moment...
28: Watch what you eat for lunch.
16: I'M NOT FAT.
28: Well now you're not. Not really, anyway. Just trust me when I tell you that it's not exactly a good idea to have Town & Country for lunch on Monday, Sonic on Tuesday, Taco Bell on Wednesday, Long John Silver on Thursday, and Franco's on Friday.
16: But that's the point of having off-campus lunch privileges!
28: No, it's really not. Go home and eat leftovers or something. And don't drink too many cokes.
16: I think you need to shut up now.
28: Don't talk to me like that. Just listen. Just wait until Steph gets married and you feel like a whale in your bridesmaid dress.
16: Steph gets married??? When???
28: Forget I said that, but let me just... Fine. I'll show you the picture. Let's just hope there's no freaky Back to the Future thing going on and I start missing body parts. Here. That's you on the left.
16: ...
28: Are you okay?
16: Yeah, I, uh... I get it.
28: Good. And I thank you for at least getting it.
28: One last thing --
16: -- Nuh uh! The rules were only ten things --
28: Oh SHUT UP. I am older than you. And I know your dreams and I can and will crush them at will, okay?? Okay, maybe that's not a good idea, but whatever. CREDIT CARDS ARE THE DEVIL. Say it with me.
16: I'm not saying that.
28: Yes you are. Unless you really want to be paying off credit cards in your mid-twenties when you could be, I don't know, vacationing somewhere AWESOME. It sucks. So, SAY IT!
16: Fine. Credit cards are the devil.
28: Just be responsible with them and it will all be okay. 'Kay?
16: 'Kay.
28: Just keep being nice, okay? Be nice. Be loving. And enjoy life. Enjoy the little things. Scratch Big Kitty's ears. Take Daisy for a walk. Help Mom with dinner. Watch football with Craig. Don't yell at Katy. Well, don't yell at Katy too much. Talk to Dad and Nancy on the phone often. Give MawMaw a kiss. Listen to Poppy recite your poem with a smile. Just...enjoy it. Cherish it. Remember it all.
16: You sound like a Nora Ephron movie.
28: Really?? Thanks. That's really sweet. You'll understand why when you're my age. Or your age, considering I'm you and all. Oh whatever. Can we watch Friends now?
* Names changed to protect the innocent. The not-so-innocent? I didn't care enough to disguise your name. Punk.
